Have you ever felt a tug-of-war taking place inside you?
Not just a tug-of-war between two teams, but between multiple teams. Two teams tug on the smart/stupid assessment rope, each at opposite ends. The stupid team pulls furiously, dragging you slowly to their side.
Two other teams tug on the attractive/ugly rope; the ugly team manages to find enough “evidence” to give them the win.
Other teams tug on more self-images: kind/unkind; generous/stingy; strong/weak; on-and-on, dragging your esteem through the mud. The teams that pull on the dark traits seem to win more battles. Their voices are loud; insistent; convincing. The Judge stands over the games, hears the critical voices, and declares the winners. The Judge’s scales tilt in favor of the demons; somehow those voices are easier to believe.
Those battles went on in my head for years. They were torturous and painful and left me feeling at times as if a dark, wet blanket were draped over me. Battles still occur—they always will—but I have more tools available when they arise; light exists to counterbalance the dark.